Poker Night
by TwilightSymphony
Summary: Saturday night poker with the espada. Ulquihime, slight halibelxnnoitera, then changes to StarkHali and NnoitraNel.
1. Poker Night

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Hello people! This is my first story on FF so give me constructive criticism here, but NO FLAMES! Enjoy.

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In the bleak, pale halls of Las Noches, There are few sounds. The echoes of footsteps, the occasional screams of terror or anger are usually the only sounds that pervade the desert white halls of the castle. All these stop near the Espada meeting room, where every Arrancar treads softly, lest they have their body separated from them via Cero. But today, Saturday as the humans call it, there was a different sound coming from BEHIND the grand white doors.

"DAMN IT NNOITRA!" Grimmjow yowled as Nnoitra slammed a flush onto the green velvet table.

"Now, now Grimm-Chan, don't be a sore loser." Quipped Gin, smirk firmly in place

Grimmjow ground his teeth at the ex shinigami captain. "If you're so good at this, then beat HIM!" He spat.

Stark sighed as Grimmjow tried to decapitate the silver haired captain. "Fold."

Nnoitra began hauling in the chips before a soft but commanding voice stopped him.

"Wait" said the melancholic faced Espada, laying down his hand, four (what else?) fours.

Nnoitra's frown was enough to put the green eyed Espada to shame. "WHAT THE ****!"

Ulquiorra was unmoved.

"DOUBLE OR ****ING NOTHING!" Shouted Nnoitra.

"Very well" was the curt reply,

Grimmjow and Gin backed off, sensing that this was about WAY more than poker.

The cards were drawn, 5 cards each, all or nothing. The tension was suffocating.

"One" said Ulquiorra throwing the card down,

"One" replied Nnoitra, snatching the card

"How the hell did he get that four of a kind? I have the hand rigger that Szayel cooked up! Ah well, this time that pompous bastard will lose to me!" Thought Nnoitra, unknowingly smirking.

Ulquiorra was staring at NorTerra's hand, and then he closed his eyes. "One' he rasped.

Nnoitra smirked "How about we make this a little more… interesting?"

"How?"

"Well, how about if you win, I give up swearing for 5 months, and have to ask Halibel on a date?'

Of course Ulquiorra knew that asking Halibel on a date was suicide pure and simple. The last arrancar who tried that was soon found all over a wall, it took months to get the stain out.

"And if you win?" The green eyed Espada enquired.

"You let me into Pet-sama's room, and don not come in for 72 hours." Nnoitra grinned, licking his lips.

Ulquiorra automatically suppressed a shudder

"You're on"

NorTerra's grin grew to jaw breaking proportions.

"One" said Ulquiorra

Nnoitra bent his wrist back to touch the button on his palm, a 3, 4,5,6,7 of diamonds slid into his hand. He then lowered his original cards below the table, stuffing them into his pocket. He then raised the straight flush above the table.

Ulquiorra said nothing.

"YES! That usurping bastard didn't notice" thought the ecstatic Espada

"Let's stop fooling around, play" murmured Ulquiorra

Nnoitra casually laid the 5 cards onto the table, all the while smirking.

"Well Ulquiorra, you tried and played well, but none defeat Nnoitr-WHAT THE!

The closest thing that will ever be seen to a smile was gracing Ulquiorra's lips as he laid down a 10, Jack, Queen, King and Ace. All of which were of the spades suit. In short, the legendary, the elusive, the darn-near-impossible-to-get-without-bribing-the-dealer, The Royal Flush.

"It looks like I win quinta Espada." Deadpanned Ulquiorra.

The Next Day (Night?)

"Uh, Halibel?" The female Espada turned to the meek voice, eyes narrowing.

Nnoitra stood there, ragged from dealing from Tesla trying to stop this form of seppuku.

"Go on" she said looking over her shoulder at Orihime, who had been given the privilege of walking with Halibel. Orihime nodded and began walking back to her cell.

"What is it, quinta Espada?" the mysterious Espada intoned

"Err, well, ya see…" He paused "I'd be privileged to engage in whatever the "heck" you want to do, in short Halibel, wanna go out on a date?" Nnoitra asked meekly

"What did you say?" Halibel asked leaking some riatsu.

Nnoitra looked especially frazzled by this. "Look, Halibel, I don't, I mean, I…" He scrambled back, falling to the floor as she approached. As she loomed over him she uttered one word.

"Sure"

"How did it go woman?" Ulquiorra whispered to the girl with sunset hair.

"Great! She said yes!" Orihime laughed quietly, thinking of Nnoitra's out of character albeit forced, attempt to ask Halibel out. "It was so sweet!"

"You find such a gesture sweet?" The black haired Espada asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Of course! It's like a romantic confession of a crush! I love things like that!"

"If that's the case," The arrancar sighed, getting down on one knee.

"Orihime Inoue, I Ulquiorra Schiffer would be privileged to engage in any activity you choose." He said, eyes closed

A blush crept onto Orihime's features

"In short would you like to go on a date?"

________________________________________________________________________AND THAT'S THAT! My first Fan Fiction. Wow I feel so tired. Anyway, just for anyone who's wondering, I'm not sure about the poker hands, except for The Royal Flush (angel's start signing "HALLELUAH, HALLELUAH!" the others I'm pretty sure that four of a kind beat flush, and straight flush beat's all except THE ROYAL FLUSH (HALLELUAH, HALLELUAH) God I've got to find a way to turn that off…..

Sorry in the characters are OOC, my first Fanfic so help me fix that.

Twilight Symphony


	2. Bluffing

Well, this story WAS supposed to be a one-shot, but, due to popular demand, I will continue it. Since I have no idea how to write the dates that Ulquiorra, Orihime, Halibel and Nnoitra were supposed to go on, I've decided to skip ahead a bit. The first chapter was my first posted story, and, I like to think I've improved somewhat in my writing through my other stories. Also, the scene in this one with Orihime's poker face was originally made in Funny Girl, which is a classic and wonderful film. I just changed the scene around a bit. So, without further ado, here is chapter 2.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or Funny Girl.

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It had been two months since love sprang into hueco mundo. Aizen, of course, welcomed the relationship between the two couples. Nnoitra and Halibel's for Nnoitra needing to be humbled, and Orihime and Ulquiorra's because it would make Orihime cooperate easier. He sighed into his cup of tea, knowing that he was just making excuses.

Aizen Sousuke, evil mastermind, wielder of thousands of techniques AND the hougyoukuu, was just a big softie.

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Orihime was walking beside Ulquiorra, her hand clasped in his as she babbled on about the human world. Ulquiorra's infinite patience and eternal poker face came in handy here, or so everyone thought. But, if you looked closely, you could see that he was actually _listening_ to the copper haired girl. Then, said girl turned to him and asked in a joyful, inquiring voice:

"Ulquiorra-san, would you mind terribly if I sat in on the poker game this week?"

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And thus, that was how Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Gin, Ulquiorra and Stark found themselves in this situation. Of course Ulquiorra couldn't say no to Orihime, so she sat behind him as the cards were shuffled, dealt and played.

Everyone else could see Orihime sweating and shaking, and the all grinned simultaneously, for they knew:

Ulquiorra was _bluffing! _

They all smiled at her, and each other, before putting in their bets with cries of "I'm in!"

Ulquiorra appeared passive as ever. He calmly put in his bet, and they all laid down their cards.

All of the other players had good hands. 3's and 4's of a kind, but, once again, Ulquiorra had trumped them. He laid down, once again, THE ROYAL FLUSH! (HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!)

Orihime's face was grining wickidly as she saw their faces. (I know, Orihime? Wicked?)

Needless to say, the four other players were shocked beyond belief. Grimmjow started cursing, and, so did Nnoitra, but he stopped himself, remembering his agreement. Stark would have glared, but, it would have taken too much effort, and Gin almost opened his eyes in shock.

"But-she-she-how did- what the HELL?!" Grimmjow roared after finishing his cursing.

Ulquiorra gazed back at him from his side of the table.

"You didn't think I would have brought her without telling her stratigy, did you?" He said, calm as ever, raking in the chips.

A roar was heard by everyone down the hall as Grimmjow tried to strangle the fourth Espada.

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It had started with poker, but, poker was not for everyone. While the guys continued to play poker regularly, ever since Orihime joined them, they had "broadened their horizons a bit" as per Aizen's request.

"YAHTZEE!" Orihime screamed as she rolled the dice. Grimmjow groaned into his hand.

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There it is! Second chapter! I think that the scene from Funny Girl fits well, don't you? Did my writing improve any? Also, a special Canadian thank you to burningeyes, for clarifying that people wanted more chapter! You see, I wasn't sure, because this one was supposed to be a one shot, but, I'll probably add another chapter or two after this one!

Ja Ne!

-Twilight Symphony.


	3. Monopoly

Hello! 3rd chapter and I changed the Nnoitra mistake in this first chapter. However, the spell check made a mistake with at least one, calling it NorTerra or something, and I'm too lazy to change it lol. I'm sick today, so I'm not going to school, which gives me time to write! So, R&R, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach, or Monopoly.

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7 enemies sat, huddled around the table as they stared each other down. Money, power and even land had been lost in this battle, and now, the tension grew even more as they reached the middle of their heated competition.

Well, that's what it would be like, if Wonderweisse didn't yell "HAOOOOO" every time he rolled the dice to move his thimble around the board. He passed go, and Aizen (They begged him, because he was unbiased) handed Wonderweisse 2 100 dollar bills. Why Tousen left him in their care, no one knew.

Yes, they were playing Monopoly, and, yes, to some extent, they were enjoying it.

In the beginning, Grimmjow and Nnoitra had fought over who got to be the car, until Aizen silenced them with a flare of his reiatsu, and named Orihime, owner of the car.

Things went downhill from there.

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First off, Ulquiorra called all of the first walkway properties "trash" and refused to buy them. Then, Orihime rolled the dice twice and got two sixes both times, leaving her halfway across the board. It was then Nnoitra's turn.

"All right, here I go." The quinta Espada said, rolling the dice and moving to the CHANCE space. His huge smile grew even bigger as he picked up the card.

It then flipped upside down as he dropped the card. Gin picked it up and read it aloud:

"Your company was subjected to a total sponsor blackout. Your computers preformed self implosion when you tried to calculate your debts, and your own son abandoned ship, your only hope is selling the tattered shambles of your company to a high ranking sponsor, and hope that they show mercy. Give a player all your money and accept their best offer, deadbeat." The card read. Gin actually opening his eyes in surprise.

Nnoitra started cursing in full, making up for 5 months worth in 30 seconds, before turning to the other players, and trying to perform the puppy dog eyes.

Grimmjow snorted, Gin smirked once again, and Orihime sadly shook her head and mouthed the word "no". Ulquiorra called him trash and had been recording the whole incident for blackmail. He finally turned his eyes to Wonderweisse, who looked quizzically at him before reaching into his money pile and pulling out a 1 dollar bill. Nnoitra blanched and grudgingly handed him his fist full of colourful bills. Wonderweisse "Haoooed" happily, before taking the bills and counting them (to the best of his ability.) Aizen looked at his 5th Espada, silently thinking "Just how did I create someone with THAT BAD luck?"

Orihime rolled again, and landed on the last (and most expensive) property. She thought carefully, before turning to Ulquiorra and whispering in his ear. He nodded, and mixed his pile with Orihime's. "You can't do that!" Grimmjow yowled. Ulquiorra turned to him and said four words:

"We're forming the mafia." He said, face as passive as ever. Orihime giggled and gave Aizen the money, who, in turn, gave her the deed.

"Aizen-sama! That's cheating right?" Nnoitra asked, clutching his one dollar close.

Aizen turned to the 5th Espada, and let his reiatsu flare out, causing Nnoitra to shake a bit.

"Are you questioning my decision Nnoitra?" he asked, fatherly smile in place.

"N-no, Aizen-sama." He said meekly.

Wonderweisse Haooed.

_Tousen must be punishing me for something again by bringing him here. _Grimmjow thought furiously. _Wasn't slicing off my arm enough?_

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The game was, finally, reaching its close. Nnoitra had successfully turned his one dollar into 100 dollars. The Las Noches Mafia had made a stunning 2500 together, and were currently discussing methods of extortion, racketeering and grand theft. Gin had joined the mafia, and helped along their funds quite a bit. Grimmjow had had decent luck, but he was small time Orihime had suggested joining up with them, but Ulquiorra shook his head and silently mouthed the word no. Grimmjow tried to strangle the mob boss after that. All that was left was Wonderweisse's pile, but he wouldn't let the others, not even Aizen take it from him to count it. He was currently haooing angrily at Grimmjow, who was trying to take the pile by force.

After a few more Haooos (I love that word) Grimmjow snapped.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID LITTLE TWERP" He roared as he lunged across the table.

It was at that specific moment that Tousen decided to walk in.

Wonderweisse ran to him, money in his arms, as Grimmjow chased after him. Tousen calmly pulled out Suzumushi and pointed it at Grimmjow as Wonderweisse cowered safely behind Tousen.

"Are you that desperate to lose that arm again, sexta?" He said, brandishing his zanpakuto,

Grimmjow stopped and turned around, kicking the ground angrily.

Tousen heard their problem from Orihime, and convinced him to let them count.

After 3 recounts and 4 do-over's, Orihime and Aizen announced the grand total of Wonderweisse's funds.

"Wonderweisse has a total of 4000 dollars, which makes him the winner of this game." Aizen stated calmly, before patting Wonderweisse on the head.

The crashes of everyone except Orihime, Aizen, Tousen and Wonderweisse falling out of their chairs echoed through the halls of Las Noches.

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So… what do ya think? I love the word Haooo; it makes the pretty red line appear… Also, the idea for the Las Noches Mafia comes from the mafia my friends and I make when we play Monopoly, and partially from the fanfic "Coffee and Mobsters." That is also an Ulquihime fic that I read before I made my account here, I think.

Disclaimer: I don't own Coffee and Mobsters.

Well, until next time,

R&R

-Twilight Symphony


	4. Candlelight

Hello again! I know it's been a long time since I updated, but, there is a reason for that this time. You see, after poker and monopoly, I've run out of ideas for games that I could use, because up until now, all the chapters have centered around a game, pretty much. SO, I'm turning to you, the readers and reviewers, to HELP ME! Please send in any ideas or things you would like to see happen here.

Thank You so much,

Twilight Symphony

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach.

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It was another dry, windy, and empty day in Las Noches. Arrancar trained, Aizen plotted, and our favorite groups of "friends" were gathered around a board game. However, just because it was dry, and windy, and the birthplace of even more evil schemes, hatched by a tea drinking, hypnosis wielding man with a god complex, does not mean that it was an ordinary day. For you see, today, was the one month anniversary of Orihime and Ulquiorra. (Halibel and Nnoitra as well, but, I can't write what Nnoitra chose to celebrate with without upping the rating of this story.)

Yes, it was their anniversary. But, sadly for us, and hilariously for Grimmjow, Ulquiorra had never been in a relationship that he could remember, and so, he was at a loss of what to do.

So far though, Orihime was going on through the day without complaint, and, even now as she sat, cross legged on one side of a scrabble board, she was her ordinary self. She was smiling (she was doing that much more now that she was more of a guest, then a prisoner), and also strategizing carefully about her next word. Gin was complainin' tha' there weren't no apostrophe tiles, and Halibel (she joined too) was smacking Nnoitra for using crude words on HER double word score boxes. Ulquiorra sighed, and then looked at Orihime's and his word board. (They had to form teams, because scrabble is a four player game, Nnoitra and Halibel, Ulquiorra and Orihime, Grimmjow and Gin.) His growing anxiety was not helped by the letters he saw and rearranged mentally. With his A, double Ns, V, double Rs, and S, combined with Orihime's I, E, A, and Y, all together, rearranged, they spelt:

A-N-N-I-V-E-R-S-A-R-Y.

He was very certain that someone, or something, was conspiring against him.

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"Well, that's that." Gin said, collecting all the tiles on the board. He and Grimmjow won, for once. The game had been pretty uneventful, except for the point where Halibel actually stuffed a few tiles up Nnoitra's nose. Not an easy feat, I assure you.

Orihime rose from her seat and kissed the top of Ulquiorra's head. "I'll be in the library if you need me." She said warmly, smiling as she walked towards the door. Everyone snickered and (Gin and Halibel's case) awwed. Ulquiorra remained as passive as ever.

Everyone rose eventually and left the room, Ulquiorra being the last one to leave (FLICK OFF THE LIGHTS!) He hurried, however, and caught Halibel in the hall and walked beside her.

They walked silently for a few moments, before Ulquiorra started with "Halibel?"

"Yes?" She said, clearly surprised that the 4th Espada was actually trying to make conversation.

He actually looked flustered as he revealed his purpose.

"Well, considering that you are the only female around here that doesn't dress like and/or is weak trash, and, while I know that you don't have much romance in your relationship with Nnoitra…" She shot him a cold glance and he got to the point.

"Could you help me with a problem I'm having?"

Halibel sent him a knowing look before smiling underneath her collar. She opened the door and was greeted by her three fraccion.

"Step into our office."

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Orihime was in the library, reading a dusty old tome on French cooking, and missing Rangiku and her fun food combinations.

_Maybe Halibel-san would be interested. _She thought absentmindedly.

She glanced up at the ornate clock that Gin had bought from the human world that hung above the fireplace. The detailed hands were just closing on 7:00. She got up, startled at how long she had been reading, and moved towards the shelf to put away the book.

The library was different than all the other rooms in Las Noches. While the other rooms and corridors held the same sterile white, this room, which Aizen-Sama usually frequented, was made in bold reds and supple browns. A fireplace crackled behind two red armchairs, and bookshelves covered almost every inch of the room. Orihime had gotten lost on quite a few occasions in the maze of books.

As she walked out of the warm room, back out into unbroken white, she took a turn at the end of the hall, and walked up a spiraling staircase. It was lucky that she knew her way from the library to her and Ulquiorra's shared room.

A she neared the door, Orihime laughed quietly to herself. Her thoughts were centered on Ulquiorra, so prim and proper, forgetting their anniversary. She held no spite, but, it would have been nice to have something to mark the day…

The door opened, and candlelight moved lazily out to greet her. Her eyes widened at the sight before her.

There, dressed in a black, western tux, lighting candles with long matches. Silver trays were set on the table, soft and delicious aromas wafting from them. She scolded herself for having doubt in him, and walked out to hug her Ulqui-chan fiercely. He hugged her back and they held each other for a moment.

That is, until a small "aww." came from the doorway. Ulquiorra and Orihime turned sharply to the entrance.

A huge crowd was huddled outside the doorframe, Aizen, Nnoitra, Grimmjow and even Szayel included, were poking their heads in to witness the scene. That is, they _would have _been witnessing the scene, if they hadn't been glaring angrily at Gin, who was chuckling nervously. Ulquiorra's carefully collected mask FINALLY broke, and he snarled at the group watching.

"GET OUT OF HEEERRREEEEE!" He yelled, charging a green cero in their direction.

The whole group ran, fearing for their lives, as Orihime laughed. The only ones left were Halibel, Sun-Sun, Mila Rose and Apache. They all smiled coyly, and waltzed out of the room, Halibel leaving last.

"Your Dinner Is Served, Madam, Monsieur." She said, bowing deeply, before closing the door with a soft click.

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Awww. I love this chapter! It was hard to write though; I've got a headache the size of a mountain. Anyway review with your ideas, and have a great day!

-Twilight Symphony.


	5. TWISTER TIME! Part 1

_Last time on Poker Night:_

"ULQUIORRA, RUN!" Orihime screamed as the police opened fire on her lover.

_Damn, I didn't want to get mixed up in this. _Grimmjow thought as he shot a gang member who had dared come close to him.

Halibel flicked up her shades as the helicopter exploded behind her.

Nnoitra was shooting desperately at the cops who were trying to kill the notorious drug lord, Gin Ichimaru.

Will Nnoitra make it out with Gin, and buy enough time for Gin to prove his innocence? Will Halibel be able to find her three fraccion? Will Ulquiorra and Grimmjow survive? Will peanut butter and jam finally get married, or will bread crash the wedding? Will I start to make sense? Find out, in this edition of POKER NIGHT!

Well, at least I wish I had a story like that…

Hey everyone! It's me again, Twilight Symphony, and I'm updating! (Softly) Hooray…

Anyway, did you like the intro? I got the idea from a family guy episode where they did this cop drama intro that ROCKED, but, wasn't pertaining to the storyline at all, except for a little information. So, I did my own version. Did it freak and amaze you? Were you thinking you had the wrong story? Well, rest assured that you have the right story, and now, READ!

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach or Family Guy (Where I got the idea for the intro, but, from here on, there will be little to no content from Family Guy… I think.)

* * *

Deep within Hueco Mundo, a powerful evil had just been unsealed. It had been almost 50 years ago, and now, the seal on the box was finally being broken.

Orihime lifted the brightly colored and polka dotted lid off a dusty box she had found on the game shelf.

_This looks like fun! _The naïve girl thought, unknowing of the danger and horror that was held in that box. The lid of the box read…

TWISTER!

* * *

Aizen felt a chill go up his spine.

* * *

Orihime's quest to get people to play Twister had varying difficulties. For example, Nnoitra and Gin were all up for it… for their own "special" reasons. Wonderweisse didn't need convincing at all, he wanted to play the moment he saw the polka dots. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra however… were a little harder to convince…

"PLEAASSSEEEEEE??" Orihime whined in a high pitched voice as Grimmjow shook his head violently.

"There's no way in hell that I'll even GO NEAR THAT THING!" He yelled, backing away.

Ulquiorra just sat on the couch with a book in front of his face, desperately trying to blend in.

"Fine then, you leave me with no choice…" Orihime said, pulling a cell phone that Aizen had provided with all of his Espada, after Orihime had her lecture entitled; "All the fun things that I saw and did in the human world before you all kidnapped me and made me join you to pull your soldiers from death." out of her pocket.

"…What are you going to do with that?" Ulquiorra asked, dreading the answer.

Orihime punched in a number, and the screen on the back, that Grimmjow and Ulquiorra could see, lit up with a bright pink background filled with butterflies. (GUESS WHO?!"

"Hello?" A ridiculously high voice for a man came from the speaker.

"Monarch, this is Flower, do you copy, over?"

'Yes Flower, Monarch copies over." Monarch said, sighing over their choice of codenames.

"The Black Cats (because of Grimmjow being a cat, and Ulquiorra being… well… Ulquiorra.) Are being uncooperative. Please send a sample of plan B to my image screen. Orihime said.

'Uploading…" Monarch said, his fingers dancing across the keyboard.

"Received." Orihime said, "Thank you for your help, Szayel-san."

"My pleasure." The pink haired scientist said, closing the link.

"Now." Orihime said, turning to the two arrancar, who, should have ran while they had the chance, but, sadly for them, didn't. "You have two choices. We can do this the easy way…" She said, pointing towards the box on the table. "Or the hard way." She said, clicking a button and making the image she received from Szayel pop up on the screen.

There, on the tiny screen, was an image that chilled even Ulquiorra's bones. It showed Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, with many beer bottles on the table in the picture. Well, it would have showed Ulquiorra, had a lampshade not been stuck on his head. Grimmjow, for his part, thought that Ulquiorra got off easy, because, in that photo, it showed Grimmjow bawling over why everyone hates him.

"If you don't comply with our demands, Szayel-san has instructions to send this to every computer, cell phone, and other screen in Las Noches." Orihime stated calmly.

"Not if I kill him first…" Ulquiorra said darkly, brandishing Murucielargo.

"I'm afraid it won't be that easy, Ulqui-chan." She said. "Szayel-san has rigged his computer with a virus. If I call a number with a phone, the image will be released." She said.

"Damn, she knows my weakness." Ulquiorra thought. Ironically, Ulquiorra's weakness WAS Orihime. He reveled at the irony.

"All right." He said after shooting a look at Grimmjow. "We'll play."

_I hope it's the last I see of that damn photo though._

Little did he know, that photo wouldn't be gone for a LONG time.

* * *

All right! TGIF! Anyway, this was going to be for Halloween. So… Happy belated Halloween! I got tons of delicious, scrumptious candy! Now, this story will be a two parter, so you'll see the actual TWISTERING! (Another fun word.)" in the next chapter. Hopefully I won't take too long...

-Twilight Symphony.


	6. TWISTER TIME! Part 2

And now… THE UPDATE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR…

(Confetti bursts around the screen as I come out onto it in a banana suit.)

Me: PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

Angry reviewer Bob: YOU'RE STUPID AND YOUR FACE SMELLS AND YOUR STORIES SUCK! (Stomps off in a huff.)

Me:...............

Me: PEANUT BUTTER JELLY, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!

Hey everyone, I'm back and I'm updating again. Anyway, despite Bob's attempts, I'm presenting you with… TWISTER TIME PART 2 BABY!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or (obviously) THE PEANUT BUTTER JELLY SONG!

* * *

They laid out the Twister mat on the floor of the Espada meeting room, after moving the huge, heavy stone table and huge chairs, with more than a little difficulty. (Orihime did it to see Ulquiorra do some heavy lifting LOL.) As they prepared to begin, Grimmjow held on to Wonderweisse's collar, as the small arrancar desperately struggled to get to the pretty colours.

"Alright, here we go." Gin said, and handed everyone a small 6 sided dice.

"Roll these and determine the execution order… I mean, the playing order." Gin said, smirk growing wider.

They all took a deep breath and threw their dice. The order was decided: Grimmjow would go first, then Orihime, then Ulquiorra, followed by Halibel, Nnoitra, Wonderweisse and Gin.

Grimmjow got (what else?) Left hand blue, and moved onto the mat.

The game had started.

* * *

_ An Hour Later_

* * *

"HEY! LEGGO!" Grimmjow yelled as Gin almost slipped, but caught himself by grabbing onto Grimmjow's ankle. The Espada in question was currently on all fours with Orihime beneath him. He flashed a fanged smirk.

"Touch her and you are dead." Ulquiorra said, glaring at Grimmjow.

"Now, now Ulqui-Chan, he won't try anything…." Orihime said smiling at her beloved.

"You are too naïve woman…" The Quattro said, still glaring at Grimmjow

"You didn't let me finish." Orihime said, a slightly homicidal look glinting in her eyes. "As I was saying, he won't try anything because I brought back his arm, and rank, and I can TAKE THEM AWAY!" She said.

All of the players stared in shock at the orange haired girl who was still kindly smiling.

Somewhere in Seireitei, Captain Unohana Retsu sneezed.

* * *

Aizen heard that the group was playing Twister, and promptly left for his private quarters for a session of nostalgia.

_Ah, memories_. The evil overlord thought…

_Flashback (MY FIRST ONE!)_

_It had all started when Matsumoto had found a dusty old box that had belonged to a "Shinji Hirako" Whoever that was._

_She, of course, wanted to play the game as soon as she found it, and, using her powerful means of persuasion, she had rounded up many players._

_Aizen, of course, neglected to play, and instead chose to be one who spins the wheel, but does not play._

_Hinamori was disappointed, (NO, NOT FOR WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! I'M A HITSUHINA SHIPPER.) But, she took consolation in being able to play with Hitsugaya._

_Aizen, of course, saw how Hitsugaya looked at Hinamori, and, decided to help them, along with many others, with their love problems._

_By using a combination of Kyouka Suigetsu, and his reiatsu, Aizen spun the wheel so that the various couples would be matched together._

_Before long, Matsumoto was twisted in a human pretzel with Gin, Histugaya was over Hinamori, and blushing furiously, and Unohana and Zaraki were in the middle of a contortionist act._

_Aizen was chuckling to himself all the way, and, deep inside, he was regretting his choice of betrayal._

* * *

_When I ascend, I will give those people happiness._

That thought rung in his mind, and he sighed to himself.

_That is, if they survive the massive war I'm about to unleash on them, and if Hinamori survived me slicing her lung in two…_

* * *

The game had been going on for another half an hour, when the mass of limbs, torso's and heads began to shake.

"HEY! WHO'S GRABBING MY…" Grimmjow began, before the human funnel cake collapsed, and everyone rolled clear.

"Hime-Chan?" Ulquiorra said, looking over at the girl with the sunset hair.

She wasn't moving.

He got up in a flash and ran towards her, as did everyone else.

"ORIHIME?" He yelled, turning her over.

As he turned the one he loved over, he was extremely relieved to see her laughing hysterically.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and then started to crack up as well.

* * *

HAH! Had you going there for a minute, didn't I? I hope you like it, even though I know it's not as good as it could have been… I'm just not good at writing this kind of thing, I'm only thirteen after all, so don't expect any… Non user-friendly scenes. Hope you liked it! Also, I'm thinking about doing a sci-fi fic with the Bleach characters, but, I'm not sure if anyone would read that… Tell me what you think!

R&R

-Twilight Symphony.


	7. Movie Night

GLOBIN! HELLO EVERYONE! OMG I LOVE THAT WORD! It just rolls off tongue: Glo-bin. Ah. (Disclaimer: I don't own Bowser's Inside Story, where Globin is from, though it is also part of the human body, but, I first heard of it from Bowser's Inside Story.)

Anyway, I'm back, and I'm trying something new. It's time for… MOVIE NIGHT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thanks to my plotting session with MangoTango450, I have (hopefully) made a story with the Espada (and Orihime) + The Movies that doesn't suck. Please be honest and tell me what you think!

This chapter is dedicated to MangoTango450: Thanks a lot Mango-Mango! If this chapter sucks, then sorry, but if it doesn't then HUZZAH!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or Bone, where the Szayel Scene is from.

GLOBIN!

* * *

The Espada (well, most of them…) gaped in shock at the sight that was before them. They were currently looking at the game cupboard. You see, whenever they played a game, for the sake of variety, they put a piece of tape on it. The more they played, the more tape covered it. The cupboard was currently acting as a pyramid for some _very _wrapped mummies.

When their jaws finally closed, Orihime managed to work up the courage to speak.

"What do we do now?" She asked.

Everyone just looked blankly at her. It was clear that they had no clue.

In a rare twist of events, Gin showing up actually _saved _people's sanities, rather than destroying them. One look at everyone's face told Gin all he needed to know. "Don't move." He said, "I'll go and get Aizen-Sama." Gin rushed off.

_A few AGONIZING minutes later…_

"I JUST HEARD THE NEWS!" Aizen said, rushing towards his Espada, (being completely out of character.) "AND I'VE FOUND A SOLUTION!" He yelled.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

A few minutes later, the sigh had turned into ANGRY YELLS! (As usual)

* * *

A large Garganta opened up in the sky above the Movie Theater, and Szayel, Halibel, Ulquiorra (With Orihime over his shoulder, since she can't fly.) Grimmjow, the three (stooges!)… Ex-Shinigami captains and, surprisingly, Aaroniero Arururerei (Guessing how to spell Lava Lamp's name here…). They descended behind the cinema, and Szayel brought out the gigais that he had created. As for why Aizen let Orihime come to the human world:

1) Because she was wearing her bracelet that causes invisibility, passing through things, etc…

2) Because the gigai that Szayel cooked up looks nothing like her, with brown hair, blue eyes and tan skin, rather then her customary orange, grey, and pale.

3) See chapter 2… or 3 can't remember.

It was painfully easy to sneak past the reiatsu trackers that Soul Society set up, so, once in their gigai, they walked into the theater,

They were greeted with an empty ticket room that led to a ghost town of a lobby.

One bored looking attendant sat in the booth, filing her nails and eyeing the strange people. Other than Orihime, Szayel had neglected to change the style or appearance of the other Espada, so they looked EXACTLY THE SAME! EVEN ARRONIERO!

"Gin, did you bring the money?" Aizen said, ignoring the attendant.

"Yes sir." Gin said, reaching into his sleeve, then the other, and then looking puzzled for a few seconds.

"Uh, Captain?" He said.

Aizen just looked at him, desperately wanting to crush Gin with his reiatsu.

Aizen sighed, before muttering underneath his breath.

"Aaroniero!" He said, calling the Novena over to him.

Aizen whispered in his ear (does Aaroniero HAVE ears?)

Aaroniero nodded, and then walked up to the attendant, then began to take off his mask.

Aizen realized his mistake just seconds before the mask came off. He snapped his fingers.

Before he could scar the girl for life with his face, Aaroniero was tackled and put into a headlock by Halibel and Ulquiorra swept his feet out from underneath him, before they dragged him back to the group.

The attendant was even more confused now.

Aizen whispered into Aaroniero's ear again, before Aaoriniero nodded and made an Oh sound. He walked up to the attendant, who was partially scarred anyway, and took, off his mask to reveal the face of Kaien Shiba.

"Now what's a cute girl like you doing in a dump like this?" He asked, giving her a (hopefully) boyish grin.

She just stared at him, and he just continued.

"You know, if you could cut us the tickets for free, we could spring you from this joint…" He said, smile growing wider.

"No thanks, your gender isn't my type." She said, face not changing at all.

(Just to be clear, I have nothing against lesbians, I'm actually a gay rights supporter, but, this was the scenario that popped into my head, so, I've explained, please don't take offense.)

Aaroniero's grin disappeared, and the girl continued.

"However, if your cute friend over there, with the blond hair, were to ask me, maybe we could work something out?" The woman said, pointing at Halibel.

Aaroniero was rendered silent, and, he stumbled over to Halibel, whispering in her ear.

Halibel's eyes widened, and she vigorously shook her head no.

Aizen sighed and said "Allright, time for plan B… or C, not sure."

Szayel stepped up to bat, and walked over to the woman.

"Excuse me." He said.

"Yes?" She said, looking at the pink haired scientist.

"Did you know that that E=MC2? And that energy can never truly die, only change form, and that the various levels of reiatsu can be measured through simple chemical analysis, and that Yami's brain is actually 5.4 millimeters, and that…?" Szayel fired off scientific fact after fact until the woman's eyes began to droop.

'Szayel, I think that did it." Aizen said, putting a hand on Szayel's shoulder.

"Also, did you know that quantum physics are actually quite simple once you discover the space-time relationship?" Szayel added the one shot for good measure.

"ZZZZZZ." The attendant's head crashed down onto the table and Aizen calmly used enough reiatsu to not be detected, but to cut the tickets and float them through the glass.

Grimmjow and Nnoitra were laughing all the way to the movie theater.

"PINKY'S FACTS CAN PUT SOMEONE IN A COMA!" Grimmjow howled as they walked towards the snack counter.

* * *

After they got their snacks through a similar fashion, Aizen realized with a groan that the tickets he had cut were for _Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. _(My sister watched this, and, I'm not afraid to say that I did too… SHUT UP!)

Needless to say, the arrancars were not happy with their leader.

As they walked into the movie theater, they were incredibly shocked to find the place was booming. All of the seats were taken, except for the ones in the front row. Aizen sighed for the third, fourth time that evening, and the made their way to the front row.

The movie started, and everyone had to look up to see the screen. Orihime would have to use Soten Kisshun just to heal the kinks in their necks…

During one of the scenes involving how Bridget's mother committed suicide, all of the males in the row looked away and shouted things like, "THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYE, SHUT UP!" Orihime and Halibel laughed.

As the movie drew to it's ending, the arrancars left the theater feeling completely satisfied, though they all denied it…

A few moments later, Ichigo Kurosaki walked in to see the attendant and the snack people conked out on their counters, and one of concessioners had their head in the popcorn!

* * *

Well, what do you think? I have a cold that's hurting my head like hell, so my ideas might have been warped… Also, I got my sci-fi fic up! Check it out, and tell me what you think! Also, PLEASE be honest when you review (if), I'd like to know if you hated it… yes, I know I have self-esteem issues… Once again, dedicated to MangoTango!

With the author's notes, this is easily my longest chapter! (I think…) With that I bid you adieu… GLOBIN!

-Twilight Symphony.


	8. Morning Star

All right, because it's Saturday, and I have a cold that prohibits me form doing anything but play video games and read, and write of course, SO I'm going to update all my stories that are multi-chapters, or, at least try to… I might not be able to write three chapters for different stories in one day, but, I WILL TRY!

The song in this chapter is from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, and it is called Sigh of the Wind, or Morning Star,I think. If you want to hear it, just go to YouTube and search for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles opening English. I hope that'll do it… I also got the lyrics from , so, I disclaim all rights to the song. Also, the Szayel scene in the last chapter, I realized that it's from a series of graphic novels called Bone, which are greatly appreciated and rightly so. I'll change it so that that's disclaimed in the last chapter as well. This chapter is dedicated to RarusuRinnu1310, MangoTango450-sensei, and blackwingsgreeneyes. These guys have GOT to be some of my longest supporters, and for that I thank them. This chapter is also dedicated to YOU! WHOEVER IS READING THIS! YAY!

Prepare for a major plot (does this story have a plot?) twist.

I do not own Bone, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, Bleach or any other outside material that may appear. (Gosh, I feel like I'm writing a crossover fic…)

* * *

Ulquiorra walked down the corridor, white stretching out in front of him, behind him, everywhere. The pure white stone was only marred by the shadows cast from the black sky, which could be seen from the gothic windows. If it weren't for the fact that a group of the darkest villains the worlds have ever heard of met every week to play board games, Las Noches would really be a depressing place…

Ulquiorra sighed, and knew that, with the war approaching, they wouldn't have many carefree Saturdays left. His thoughts were broken as a voice drifted down the hall. The voice was so pure, so beautiful that it shook him from his dark musings.

_Dreaming of the stars on high,_

_That speak to me in secret sighs,_

_Drifting on a breeze,_

_Only I can feel, and hear._

Ulquiorra walked quietly down the hall where the Espada's rooms were located. The voice was rousing everyone, even Stark from sleep. Though, it wasn't loud, the beauty of it just whispered in your ear, gently.

_Could it be the sacred wind?_

_That's calling me, to now begin,_

_To walk, into the dark,_

_Carrying the light of tomorrow._

Halibel poked her head out of her door, labeled with the number 3. Her three fraccion, Mila-Rose, Apache and Sun-Sun, looked out from beside her. For once, their fighting ceased, calmed by the song that drifted to them. Barragan's followers looked in quiet reflection, and even Lillynette was silent.

_Need to walk, the wings on high_

_Beyond the earth, beyond the sky,_

_Come on, don't hesitate,_

_Don't look back we've got to go now._

Nnoitra and Tesla were thoroughly confused, but, Nnoitra's face did not contort into a frown, or a lecherous grin, instead, it was a small smile. Grimmjow's eyes looked even brighter than usual, the cyan lighting the hallway, reflecting the moon. Zommari was still in his room, in the lotus position, meditating, but, he could not clear his mind. The song filled his mind's eye with visions of green fields, babbling rivers and singing birds.

_Don't fear,_

_You'll be safe with the one,_

_Morning star watching over all._

Ulquiorra quickened his pace as others followed him, all silent, heading towards the door at the end of the hall, where light shone.

_Deep inside, so silently,_

_My heart must beat,_

_Deep inside of me,_

_Memories flickering and shimmering on,_

_Endlessly,_

Szayel had stopped tinkering with machinery and formulas, and was actually reveling at how careless he'd been. He had lost his brother, and, brothers were a rare occurrence for hollows. He should have treasured his older brother, but, alas, it was too late now.

Aaroniero had no fond memories of his own, but, those of Kaien Shiba were inside of him. Warm sunlight, blue sky, and training with Rukia Kuchiki. Aaroniero decided it was time to make some memories of his own.

_Keeping close to the path,_

_Morning star watching over all,_

Yammi didn't understand the meaning of the song, or, any music in general, but, this was… nice.

_Moving over endless mountains up so high,_

_Walking to the light,_

_Your heart will see the path,_

_And you will find your way,_

_Just wait and see._

Aizen sat, tea in hand, listening to the song. He already knew what was happening, but, Gin and Tousen had no clue. They both walked out into the hall, memories of past friends and loves echoing in their heads. Aizen sighed and joined them, even if he knew what was happening, he wouldn't miss this moment for the world.

_Moving under endless skies, oh so high,_

_Tomorrow we'll follow when in doubt,_

_Your promises today,_

_Just wait and see._

Ulquiorra quietly opened the door and it revealed Orihime, sitting in the library's thick red armchair, reading an old book, and softly singing to herself. The Espada waited outside the room, letting Ulquiorra walk over to the woman, who had stopped singing, seeing him.

"I'm sorry, did I bother everyone?" She said, looking at all of them

"Not at all, Hime-Chan." The Quatro said, sitting down on the armrest next to her.

Orihime waited and then, with a nervous glance, quietly broke the news to Ulquiorra.

"Ulquiorra, I'm pregnant." She said, looking into those emerald eyes.

Ulquiorra reacted in a number of ways.

First: His jaw dropped, and a number of cameras flashed.

And then Second: He hugged Orihime fiercly and swung her around, both laughing happily.

Much later in the day, a large number of bets for the "Ulquiorra Laughing in the Next 100 Years." Pot and the "Orihime pregnant." Pot, were payed, The winners were Halibel and Aizen, who split the pot equally.

* * *

There we go! Sorry for it not being a humor chapter, but, I wanted to use this song somehow! Now, next will be Clue probably, except I don't remember how to play Clue… HELP ME! And now, we can have Clue with MOOD SWINGS! YATTA!

-Twilight Symphony.


	9. Mood Swings

Hey everyone! I went to the doctor on Wednesday, and got this cold checked out. I had an x-ray done, and we're waiting for the results now. They (the doctor, and my mom.) think it's either bronchitis, or walking pneumonia. Either way I WILL TURN INTO A ZOMBIE! BLEGH!

Okay…

It seems that we're focusing less on the board games… eh, whichever works. Now, grab a drink, and prepare to spit it out laughing… hopefully. Me, I'm just going to munch on some apple honey crisp pie. Mmm…pie. (Don't own Simpsons.)

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach.

* * *

Once again, the brave Espada, champions of the arrancars, were locked in mortal combat. After Aizen backstabbed Halibel in the first round, the rest of the Espada quickly mobilized to fight off the ex-Shinigami captain. Of course, without Stark, or Barragan, it was just that more difficult to survive, let alone launch a counter attack.

"The murder victim was Orihime-San, the weapon was a Cero, and the culprit was Ulquiorra." Aizen said, calmly reading off his duductions.

"ULQUIORRA SCHIFFER HOW COULD YOU!?" Orihime yelled as she slapped her fiancé across the face. Everyone else sweat dropped as they watched her beat up the attempting-to-crawl-away Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was more than a little amused.

All the males in the audience (Aizen included) winced as she landed multiple hits to Ulquiorra's crotch.

Orihime then blinked, and burst out crying as she hugged Ulquiorra, sobbing hysterically.

"Ulqui-Chan? WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!" She yelled to the ceiling.

From her carrying Ulquiorra I-Wouldn't-Show-Emotion-If You-Shot-Me Schiffer's child, you'd think Orihime would be calmer. Instead, it seems that all of his repressed emotions had been transferred to his wife-to be. The mood swings were not easy on anyone. In the two weeks that she had been noticibly pregnant, Orihime had woken up Stark in the middle of the night, made Barragan confess his jealousy of youth, caused Halibel and Nnoitra to fight and break up three times and counting, and taken away Grimmjow's catnip pillow. She had also crashed three Espada meetings, broke down the door to Szayel's lab in search of red bean paste, and started talking to Wonderweisse. The worst of it all, however was directed at Ulquiorra.

Orihime had accused Ulquiorra of not loving her, not wanting the baby, hating her friends (partially true), ignoring her, checking out other women (was it his fault that there was NO decency in Las Noches WHATSOEVER?) and causing weird noises in his sleep.

There were bags underneath those green ice eyes.

After Clue, Orihime decided to walk off, hoping to alleviate some frustration. Ggio and the rest of the fraccion who had been listening in quickly backed away from the door and ran for cover. Orihime walked out of the huge stone doors, saw them, and happily waved.

All of the fraccion collapsed in relief once she left.

* * *

Much later in the evening, Nnoitra was walking down the halls, lanky arms swaying, eyes darting lecherously over the female arrancars who were walking about. He and Halibel were off again, and, perhaps this time for good. So, he thought, why not look around a bit, feel the fruit, literally and figuratively. His eyes widened, and he ducked behind a corner as he spied Halibel and Orihime, surrounded by various female arrancar that he had been looking at that day, including her fraccion.

He knew this couldn't end well. He stalked back up the hall and flipped out his cell. He called up all the male Espada. They needed to talk about this.

* * *

"WHAT COULD THEY BE PLANNING?" Grimmjow yelled, slamming his fist on to the stone he was sitting on.

They had met in Zommari's room, which was really the only stronghold against Orihime left.

"Grimmjow calm down. There isn't much they can do to you, they already took your secret snuggle pillow." Ulquiorra said. Everyone else but the two laughed.

"Yeah, yeah shut up all of you. What's important is what they're planning." Grimmjow said, dejectedly.

"I overheard them." Aaroniero's high voice said.

"They were talking about a dentist involvement." The lower one said.

"A what?" Ulquiorra said, not understanding what a dentist had to do with this.

"We couldn't hear them properly." Both pitches said at the same time.

"Well, that aside, I have developed a cure to Orihime's mood swings." Szayel said.

"Your concoctions usually involve acidic burning. I won't allow you to hurt her." Ulquiorra said, but, he was still pondering over what Aaroniero had said.

"It's actually quite safe, it's a plant they use for mood swings in the human world, its called St. John's Wort. Szayel continued before Ulquiorra raised a hand to silence him.

"The closest thing that makes sense to dentist's involvement…" He said, connecting the dots. The others quickly caught on.

"…IS A FEMINIST MOVEMENT!" They all cried, fearing for their lives.

* * *

As they left Zommari's room, the men were startled to see irate females glaring at them. Their glares put Ulquiorra to shame, and they all jumped forwards, zanpakuto drawn shouting:

"DEATH TO THE LECHEROUS PIGS!"

* * *

As Aizen sat down in the big stone chair, mug of tea in hand, looking towards the Espada, he was disrupted from his dramatic "evil guy monolog" by the sound of the huge doors being pushed open.

"Sorry I'm late." Orihime said, pulling up a red stool to the table.

Aizen sighed and continued the meeting.

Yes, Orihime's mood swings would forever change Hueco Mundo. Nothing would top the Hueco Mundo Feminist Movement though…

"FREE CATNIP COOKIES FOR ALL!" Orihime screamed, throwing the cookies out with Grimmjow beside her, dishing out fish flavor sauce.

* * *

This was a sufficiently crackier chapter. Ah, that pie was good… Thanks to everyone who read it. Was it too cracky? Should Nnoitra get back together with Halibel, or will she find someone else. I was thinking Stark... Tell me in a review! Also, sorry about not focusing on Clue, I just couldn't think up many ideas that I deemed worthy…. R&R

-Twilight Symphony.


	10. Holiday Special: Changes

Hello everyone! I'm sorry I didn't update for the holidays, but, I hope this chapter makes up for it! Our parents really spoiled us this year XD. We got a new computer, which we had been saving for, for the last couple of months. That means I get the old computer, which brings me to the meaning of my authors note… I'M TYPING FROM MY ROOM! YEAH BABY! TWILIGHTSYMPHONY FOR THE WIN! Even if the computer crawls along like Yami's brain… Also 10TH CHAPTER! AND 65 REVIEWS! AWESOME!

Okay…

On another note, had anyone here seen Avatar? IT WAS SO AWESOME! OMG I just saw it the second time, and, even if we had to sit in the almost-front row (not the very front row, since then we'd need the Shun Shun Rikka to heal the kinks in our necks LOL.) and I was still thrilled! Some people didn't like it, and said (insert whiny, cynical voice here) "it was the treehugginist movie I ever saw, I hated it soooo muuuuccchhhh."

I have a message for those people.

SHUT YOUR SQUEAL HOLE! It was an awesome movie, and I liked it a lot, and it had a good message.

Okay, sorry about that, needed to put that out there though. Now without further ado, THE POKER NIGHT (late) HOLIDAY SPECIAL!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

* * *

A lot had happened in the few months between the feminist movement and the present. Orihime became rounder every day, though Ulquiorra would never stop loving her. Nnoitra and Halibel split apart, for good this time, and Halibel was occasionally seen walking with Stark and Lillinette through the corridors. Nnoitra and she had agreed that it was for the best, and that they had no future, as futures go in Las Noches anyway.

Funny thing though. After the Hueco Mundo Movement of Females (HMMF) (no not H-M-M-F, like letters, HMMF, it sounds like an annoyed pouting sound.) Nnoitra had actually, shocking everyone who he had EVER come into contact with, started respecting the female gender. Well, in some ways. It wasn't like he pranced down the halls singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T with a female chorus. The way he did start respecting the female gender, however, was Nel.

Nnoitra had…convinced…Szayel to find a way to undo what they had done so many years ago. The pink haired scientist had been mortified; the mere thought of undoing an experiment appalled him. However, Santa Maria can be VERY persuasive, and Szayel began to do research for finding the cure to Nel's problem.

Well, they would have, if they could CATCH Nel…

You see, in order to cure Nel of her circumstance, it was necessary to perform tests and scans on the actual Nel. Unfortunately, years of endless tag really improved someone's speed and stamina. That and Pesche and Dodonchakka's valiant attempts to "protect" Nel-Sama.

"RUN NEL!" Pesche cried, firing another synchronized Cero at Nnoitra.

"WOULD YOU TWO ****ERS STOP THAT?! I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!" Nnoitra yelled, chasing after the three odd ball arrancar, spoon hood flapping in the wind.

Nel stopped and turned to Pesche. "Ne, Pesche, What does **** mean?"

Suddenly it became very quiet and dark as Pesche and Dodonchakka stopped moving. Nnoitra stopped too, puzzled at the sudden halt in their run-by shooting tactics.

"How DARE YOU TAKE AWAY NELIEL-SAMA'S EARS INNOCENCE LIKE THAT?" Pesche yelled, reiatsu thickening in the air. He started to charge another Cero, only this one was much more powerful, and started chasing Nnoitra, who was running like a bat out of hell.

* * *

While Nnoitra was running for his afterlife, other things were occurring inside the castle.

You see, along with the added weight, mood swings, and craving for even stranger (it was hardly possible, but…) food, Orihime had become oddly obsessed with being qualified to be a mother. She insisted that she learn to cook (relatively) normal food, just on the off chance her child didn't inherit her food sense. A few hours, and some burnt, flaming and red bean paste covered concoctions later, Orihime was now the proud creator of a peanut butter and jam sandwich. Ulquiorra collapsed into the chair in the dining room, until he heard a screeching noise, and Orihime's cry of "Koten Zanshun!". The following _boom _told Ulquiorra that Orihime still had much to learn. He sighed, and decided that, maybe in the future, he'd avoid the kitchen. He got up, and walked through the door that purple coloured smoke began to pour out of.

________________________________________________________________________

Stark and Halibel were currently sitting in one of the sunlight zones of the castle, staring up at the lazily drifting clouds and blue sky, and calmly ignoring Lillinette who was attempting to destroy a small plastic wrapper that barred her from her CANDY!

Stark and Halibel glanced at each other, and both reminded themselves to thank Szayel for the unbreakable wrapper.

* * *

Gin sat in a kind of mute horror as he watched Orihime and Ulquiorra battle the peanut butter monster that had crawled out of the pot. The glob on the screen slowly turned it's "face" towards him, and Gin swore he saw it smile at him. He quickly shut the monitor off, and looked at the outer cameras.

Nnoitra was still chasing Nel, though he had sufficiently occupied Pesche and Dodonchakka by calling Tesla to pound them into the ground.

Halibel and Stark were still watching Lillinette attempt to break open the donut wrapper. Stark almost felt sorry for his other half, _almost. _He then remembered what had happened the last time he had given Lillinette sugar.

"OMG STARKKY! LOOK! I HAVE ME A REAL, BONNIFIED PET!" She screamed as she held Tesla in released form in a headlock.

Stark repressed a shudder, and looked back up at the sky.

Gin turned off all the monitors, and made a hasty retreat to his quarters, to drink enough sake to get rid of the idea that that monster was coming after him…

* * *

There we go! I just have one question. You see, I'm an aspiring author, even though I'm only almost 14, but, that's not important. I want to know if any of you would read a fiction book by me. Am I good enough? Or is my talent limited to fanfiction? Yell me please!

Anyway, Hope You all had a good holiday! Just a bit of extra info, where I am, it's going to be a full moon on New Year's Eve. Isn't that exciting, and kind of mystical? R&R, and hope you liked this!


	11. Revival And Drinking Games

Hello everyone! I'm REALLY SORRY for not updating sooner, but, I…lost my inspiration a bit. Writing really is a temperamental art, isn't it? One moment, we can be bursting with ideas, and then the next, we can't type a word. The only cure for this I find is to eat junk food, sleep in, and just…recuperate. This is what I've been trying to do for the last little while, so, please excuse my late update for the New Year.

As for when the baby is born…go to YouTube, search: Hollow Bash 2 by Sehanort, and watch it. My answer is the same as Luppi's when Ikkaku asks if he's a man or a woman…

Now…IT'S JANUARY! MY BIRTHDAY BE ON THE 20th Y'ALL! WOOT! If any of you want to give me something, REVIEW! Actually, the only thing I could want from the internet would be a chibi ulquihime picture somehow involving green peace…LOL.

The year two-thousand and ten is upon us. May it be a good year full of laughter, life and love. (AND UPDATES OF COURSE!)

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach.

* * *

The Espada sat outside the huge stone doors of Szayel's lab. They would have gotten up, moved around, or just plain left, but, the last time Grimmjow attempted to, he pulled a trip wire with his leg and caused the floor beneath him to erupt in acid covered spikes.

They were waiting for Nel.

Nnoitra had managed to capture Nel, and explain the situation to the strange party's members. Dodonchakka and Pesche were ecstatic, before turning around and yelling: "WHY DID YOU WASTE SO MUCH TIME PLAYING ETERNAL TAG THEN?!"

Nnoitra almost forgot why he was helping these freaks.

So, Orihime and Espada 1 through 10 (minus 8, Szayel was performing the operation,) were sitting against the wall and staring at the evil, diabolical and pink haired scientist's lab doors. They weren't even trying to make conversation, they just kept staring at the _mesmerizing doors._

Suddenly, and without warning, a sharp, high pitched and distinctly _feminine _scream erupted from the lab, and the doors slowly opened.

There stood Nel, green hair swaying behind her, mask fully restored, and garbed in her traditional Espada clothing. She regarded the Espada who stared back at her for a minute, before…

"NNOI-CHAN!" Nel screamed, spreading her arms and running at Nnoitra at high speeds.

Nnoitra's eyes widened, and her muttered "Oh shit." before he started running.

Nel chased after him, laughing happily as she sonidoed down the hallways.

No one moved, but their eyes followed the two until they were out of sight.

Szayel crawled out of his lab, shaking terribly. "Is she gone?" He asked in a small voice. They all nodded in return.

"Ha! The great Nel SCREAMS from a BIT OF PAIN!" Grimmjow yelled, true to his nature.

Szayel coughed and added in an even quieter voice,

"That was actually me…"

________________________________________________________________________

After the initial shock, everyone welcomed Nel back. Szayel discovered that she had no memory of the relationship that she and Nnoitra had before the incident, and, now he had become her "Nnoi-Chan." She also squealed for joy when she saw Orihime, and pressed her ear to the orange haired woman's stomach, without her consent.

Ulquiorra had a "talk" with her later.

The question on everyone's mind was about rank. They marched on masse down to his throne room, and demanded the answer.

"What's one more Espada?" Aizen said, shrugging in a very un-Aizen like gesture.

"Orihime is practically one right now." The evil overlord said, before almost smacking his head when he realized his mistake.

"OMG! I'M AN ESPADA! OOOHHH, CAN I HAVE A TATOO?!" She squealed, clapping her hands.

This all escalated to the evening, when Nnoitra decided that he desperately needed a drink, and walked to the lounge where the various bottles of Sake were kept.

There, he saw Nel, already hitting the sauce, and by herself too…

He sauntered over, and plopped himself down in front of her. Pouring himself a glass, he looked at the woman in front of him.

"WHAT?!" She yelled, glowering at the Espada.

"Whoa, didn't peg you for an angry drunk. You're acting worse than…" He didn't fare finish his sentence…everyone in Las Noches knew that the walls had ears…

"YEAH?! WELL…AT LEAST I'M NOT A WALKING SPOON!" Nel yelled, pushing her face across the table to yell at Nnoitra.

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND THE SPOON JOKES?!" He yelled back, glowering back at the woman.

"IT'S BEACAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A FRICKIN' SPOON!"

"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE I'M DRUNK ALL THE TIME!"

Nel gasped, and then covered her face. "DON'T YOU DARE MAKE FUN OF MY MARKINGS! AT LEAST MINE AREN'T PISS COLOURED!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"WHY DON'T YOU?!"

Everyone (as in everyone in Las Noches (they all could hear them).) sighed. This relationship was off to a GREAT start…

________________________________________________________________________

I'M SORRY! I know this one isn't so good, but, my inspiration is starting to fail! NOOOO! On another note, I NEED NAMES FOR THE BABY! Please, if you have any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it A LOT.

The next update will probably be on my birthday, January 20th.

-Twilight Symphony.


	12. The Birth

Hello everyone. Today, January 20th is a special day to me, and my family. In my family it is tradition to give gifts to others as well on your birthday, so they don't feel left out.

The gift I have for you all is very special, and I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach.

* * *

Ulquiorra's hand was grasped firmly in that of his beautiful and pregnant wife, Orihime. The two were walking away from the library, where they had just been instructed in a pre-natal class by (brace yourself) Gin.

They were not harmed in any way.

It was a beautiful day as they go in Hueco Mundo. Aizen had shifted the fake sunlight to release snow as well, and the arrancar were both surprised and uneasy about the strange, cold white substance.

That is, until Grimmjow got hit upside the head with a snowball.

After that, it was an all out war. The gently falling snow was soon replaced by a howling blizzard of snowballs (more like snow bala…), small avalanches, and rolling heads. (The snowmen, not literally…)

Of course, the devious masterminds couldn't join the fun. Sure, after Orihime arrived, they were a bit down to earth but, SNOW?! That was beneath them right?

Yes, it was beneath them. Until all three got bowled over by a rolling snowball, then it was WAR.

They all spent hours outside, in the snow. Aizen was a little angry for them losing focus, and not spending their time training, but, everyone needed free time in their lives.

Though they seemed to be getting MUCH more free time with Orihime around…

________________________________________________________________________

after the snow war, Orihime gave the arrancar who usually cooked for her the recipe for hot chocolate (free of bean paste, as per the public outcry.) And didn't let him leave until he promised it wouldn't be bland, like his ordinary cooking.

The arrancar who participated tasted their first chocolate that day.

Szayel chugged his, believing it increased his brainpower. Yammi poured his down his throat as well. Nnoitra and Nel were bickering over whose had more whipped cream, and Halibel and Stark were simply sipping theirs and chatting in the corner of the library, where everyone retired. Orihime and Ulquiorra were acting like lovers in the park. Gin was giving them tips on birth. How he knew, very few remain who know.

Everyone said their good nights and walked back to their own quarters, which brings us back to the beginning of this tale.

Ulquiorra's hand was grasped firmly in that of his beautiful and pregnant wife, Orihime. His eyes narrowed as he sensed tension in the air. But it was not the tension of battle, more so of excitement. He closed his eyes, and breathed out deeply.

Ulquiorra usually prided himself on his control of emotions, but, these days he was finding it hard to control. He battled with his hollow half, trying desperately to fight that hunger he felt, while, at the same time, he would not receive help from the shinigami side that he had been implanted with. So the question remained.

What was he?

He loved Orihime, more than his own life, but, he had to admit, his life was less complicated before he met her. He knew that he was a monster then, and a cold blooded killer, but, now, his blood had run hot, and his emotional mask was slipping. What was a monster that loved a human?

And what of their unborn children? Certainly, they would not be welcome in Soul Society, and Ulquiorra did not want them raised in Hueco Mundo, where he would have to protect them all from hollows. He knew that escape to the Human World was their best chance, but, what of Aizen-Sama? If he ran, even if it was for Orihime, Aizen would send others after them. The battlefield needed Ulquiorra.

But Ulquiorra didn't need the battlefield.

With the Winter War on the horizon, Ulquiorra knew that there was little to no chance that he would survive it all. And after Aizen destroyed Orihime's home, where would she be able to go to?

And what of Orihime's nakama? How would they react to her falling in love with an arrancar, the one who kidnapped her, none the less? How would they feel about her being pregnant?

_They'd probably think I'd…_

No. He was not Nnoitra, and he would never force Orihime. Never.

Ulquiorra sighed, and pushed the thought out of his head. He knew that there were few courses of action, and that only time would tell their fate.

________________________________________________________________________

_Black clouds of smoke billowed around Orihime as her windswept hair flew behind her._

She cried out for Sora, Ulquiorra, anybody. But neither her brother, nor her lover appeared. Instead, the scene shifted to a garden atop a large stone pillar, the grass swaying in the gale as a thunderstorm crashed down on it.

Orihime gasped as she saw Ulquiorra with Murucielargo released, standing before her, wings proudly flared behind him.

Suddenly, a light enveloped her, and she turned her head to see white wings, pure as snow, gently moving in the breeze behind her.

She turned to Ulquiorra, who smiled gently at her, before pointing an elegant finger behind him. She walked towards him, and he kissed her forehead gently, smiling as he does it.

Orihime's breath left her as she saw what was behind Ulquiorra. There, nestled amongst six different colored flowers, were two sleeping babes. She turned to Ulquiorra, who, still smiling, nodded gently.

She turned back, smiling to look at the two children. She saw black hair and green eyes, or perhaps orange and gray. She saw the flowers surrounding them were all of the Shun Shun Rikka, guarding them from the wind. She looked at these children, and saw one black, beautiful dark wing, and one pure, snow feathered wing. She reached down and hugged the two.

And then she woke up, and felt her water break.

* * *

"SZAYEL!" Ulquiorra yelled his voice hoarse as he used sonido like he never had before. He was looking for the mad scientist, who was probably the only one who could help right now.

He reached the doors to the lab, dodged explosions, acid spikes, and various other mind numbing horror type traps, before pounding on them with all his might.

Szayel opened the door a crack, and poked his head out.

"What is it, you ingrate?"

Ulquiorra breathed a sigh of relief, and only said two words.

"It's time."

* * *

Orihime screamed in pain once again, sweat breaking across her features as the sound filled the room like a tidal wave. Szayel nervously dabbed her forehead with a cloth, before giving her some anesthesia.

Unfortunately, Szayel knew very little about birthing. It was simply not a priority to him.

Fortunately, Aizen did.

"I once helped Captain Unohana of the 4th division with a birth. I will do my best." He had said.

Right now, Aizen's best seemed like a horde of doctors and nurses rushing down the halls to help them.

"I know its difficult Orihime, but you have to get through this." Ulquiorra said, calmly and coolly, to reassure his lover. In reality, he was panicking on the inside. Ulquiorra knew less than Szayel, and perhaps even Grimmjow when it came to this subject, but, he was here for his Hime-Chan.

Orihime let loose a scream that shook the walls of the room.

Ulquiorra, Szayel and Aizen calmly got up from the corners of the room where they had retreated, and got back to work.

* * *

The Espada and Fraccion sat in the "waiting room" outside Szayel's lab, once again. Every time an earth shaking scream or a resounding boom echoed, People reacted in different ways. Halibel cringed slightly and gripped Stark's hand. Nnoitra's frown deepened when Nel said she was afraid for Orihime. Ggio rocked back and forth in a corner, listening to the concerto of screams. Grimmjow was, for once, not smiling or laughing maniacally at Ulquiorra's distress. This was what they were all waiting for, and they were afraid of a tragedy that day.

* * *

Aizen sighed and wiped his brow, stepping away from the table for a few minutes. He was sure Szayel could manage for maybe 120 seconds, and then he would have to return to save the day.

Orihime was progressing nicely, but, it wasn't her progress that was worrying him. The children she was carrying were half hollow, half human. By all means, they shouldn't be able to exist. What would they look like, when they were born?

Aizen suddenly had a mental picture of a small lizard hollow that had scuttled in front of him once.

He chuckled to himself. They would be all right; their parents were so strong, after all.

* * *

"All right Hime-Chan, PUSH!" Ulquiorra yelled as Orihime screamed back at him. She pushed with all her might, but the labor had sapped her strength. She still pushed, and let out a strangled cry as she threw her soul into the single task.

Soon, her cry was joined by another.

Orihime gasped and flailed, trying to get to her child, but Ulquiorra held her down.

"Hime-Chan, our child is so beautiful, and you may see her, but, first, bring her brother into the world as well." He crooned, stroking the girl's twilight hair.

Orihime yelled with all her fury, all her pain, and all her joy. She pushed new life into the world, and a second cry was heard.

Aizen wrapped the precious, tiny lives in warm bundles, and gave them to Ulquiorra.

He looked down at those small, pure faces and tears ran down the green markings on his face. He knelt down next to Orihime, and places their children in her tired arms.

She looked upon the miracle that they had created, and cried as well. Tears of joy fell from the two parents, and they hugged each other tightly.

Ulquiorra held up the girl in front of them, looking at her eyes, the same green as her father's.

"Verity." He breathed, naming the child after the truth he saw in her.

Orihime held up the boy, his two colored eyes looking back at her. One green, one gray.

"Sora." She said, naming her child after her brother, in hopes that he could see this little miracle she held.

And everyone, the Espada, the Fraccion, the Ex-Shinigami, and, most of all, the new parents, cried tears of relief.

________________________________________________________________________

Oh…I just love a happy ending. I can't believe it, I made myself cry.

But, don't think that this is the end! I will probably continue this story, or make a sequel. I just love this so much that I can't let it go.

I have given the children my birthday so that they are linked to my soul. These characters will be quite interesting, I believe.

Thank you everyone for all you have done, and for reading this story. Keep reading it, or look for a sequel. Those children will have their fair share of problems.

Arigatou,

-Twilight Symphony.


End file.
